to know or not to know

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera,

Having 2 of my beloved MakCik to be diagnosed with terminal stage of cancer, makes me realized one or two things...

At this very moment, as I'm writing this one of them is still breathing, Alhamdulillah.. But unfortunately, the other one......... Allah loves her more than we do. Thus, to end all miseries she had to suffer, Allah took her away. Lets pray that she will be together with golongan beriman dan bertaqwa. Amin...

From what Mak told me, MakNgah always complain of having stomachache. She went to see Dr, had a diagnosis of Gastritis, got a list of prescription, and she would buy the same medications whenever the pain comes. This had been years, till finally she realized that her leg is aching. Later it became swollen, and even painful. She needed to recover, as she will be going to Mekah with my late PakNgah. After days of investigations, Dr scanned her leg. To her surprise, there's a tumor there. So, Dr ordered for further investigation of her abdomen. Finally, it was 4th stage stomach cancer, metastasing to bone. As one of my aunt told me, the cancer even spreaded to her lungs. I remembered that day, I was Form 2 back then, Busu came to the hostel, saying," MakNgah just passed away this morning, pack your things."

As the other aunt, she too...Had her diagnosis late, it's already the 4th stage, but she keeps on fighting it. Be strong, dear Aunt!

I dont know about my ancestors. Only 2 of them had/have cancer. It's from Ayah's side. I know, Ayah's side has a long history of diabetes melitus (thus, my great concern on DM), coronay artery disease, hypertension. And not to forget obesity.

Some days ago, my classmates and I, had this discussion about having a screen test, or some sort of investigations. A lot of them chose not to know, to be in the dark. Not knowing is better, as they said.
"Knowing would change you life, instantly'"
Of course, who says it doesnt? What if, your disease is still curable, operable? Surely it will change a thing, right? As for me, I cannot stand to let all the pathological processes to happen inside the body, and doing nothing. And how on Earth I'm going to know if there's a patho process inside? So, the answer is, I opt to go for check ups,and be more concern regarding my health status. Having a relatives with history of late diagnosis of cancer, make me realized, it's worth knowing. And it always be.

The question is, how about if it's already incurable state? Am I supposed to give up? Blame the cancer cells? Blame the genes, for having the predispotion? Blame myself for not going for regular check ups? No, dont blame anything, even yourself. Remember this is just a test. Allah tests you with difficulties, diseases, troubles, sadness. Remember He tests you with victory, joy, wealth, health as well. It's just a test, nothing more. It's a way of Him showing His love. He gives a hint. A hint telling that you will soon meet Him. And are you ready yet? To meet Him, in this case? At least He spares you some time to repent all your sins. To do good deeds, till your last breath. Be happy to get the warning. You know your prognosis, and it is better.

However my friends, even if everything is ok. Be grateful, Allah is kindly lends you more time, age, healthy body. Grab the chance while it lasts, as you never know when He takes it back from you. You are just borrowing it, there is a time limitation. When the time ends, you need to return. Nothing is certain. But one thing for sure, everything must come to end. All living things will die, sooner or later.It just a matter of time. There are preparations to be made. And knowing that you dont know the exact date, time and day; you have to live for the present too. You have to achieve your dreams, goals in life, ambition. Who knows, may be you're going to live for another 50 years or even more?

Having had the thought, I choose to know. Yes, it's worth it!